elaboration

US customs and immigration must be one of the most humorless, thankless jobs in the world.
They also happen to be the rudest and the least sexy people I've come across in a long time.

Welcome back to America. We'll just assume you are guilty until proven innocent.

So far- the streets are big, the signs are in English, and I'm covered in cat fur.
And I've eatten enough hummus to have a bean factory growing in my tummy.
I'll keep you posted.

holding...

Come.
Ride the train with me.

Standing on the platform, lately I've been reminded of time. After we travel, why are we physically tired? Normally, we do nothing more than sit- there is little physical exertion involved. So, are we perpetually "tired" and not know it? Because are we not continously moving through space, orbiting the sun, spinning on our axis? Is this what aging is all about, this overall accumulation of movement through space? And if we were to stop the orbit and rotation, would we suddenly feel like we've stopped moving, even though, we don't feel our orbit or rotation- EXCEPT for the movement of time? And if we could stop it- what would happen to our notion of time? Would it still exist for us? What is time? Kant says we all come into the world with the innate knowledge of time and space- but surely these are reinforced back to us through our senses. How do we know where innate stops and the senses begin?

ah, here's the train. let's go to Yokohama.

Yokohama- that reminds me of the movie from the other night, Around the World in Eighty Days. What a classic story. Jules Verne made the perfect odd bedfellows of Passpartout and Philias Fogg- one a whimsical neophyte to the world's splendors and troubles, the other a precise Englishman who gives little regard to the world he travels through. There's a little of Passpartout and Philias in all of us- completely enchanted by Indian princesses and yet, wanting our Yorkshire pudding with every Thursday's supper.

yeah, yeah- I've read the book. It was an assignment in middle school- read a book that influenced one of your parents. That's the one my father chose. Six months later, Michael Palin made the story even more alive. The combination did it- I was hooked on the world.

heehee!! lookit him- he sleeps like one of those mechanical birds dipping for water. Front and back, he sways. It's amazing he doesn't wake himself up, he's moving so much. The girl sitting in front of him looks a little horrified that he's going to fall in her lap.

ooh ooh!! There he goes!
OH!
Face first, right into her lap!
heheee!! They both act like they've been eletrocuted.
ZAP! AAHHHH!! YOU TOUCHED ME!
ZAP! AAAHHH!! I TOUCHED YOU AND I DIDN'T MEAN TO! Sososorrysorry! Gomen, GOMEN!

Whee! That was fun.

What was that? Why are we going to Yokohama? Because I need to get my re-entry permit for Japan. My employer suggested I just come back through without one, but then I would be working here illegally- and I'm really tired of getting caught up in his illegal, disorganized shenangians. I don't mind going to Yokohama- it's really quite lovely place, for being the second largest city in the world's second largest economy. Reminds me a lot of Seattle- a sea port town with some decent coffee and a couple of (English!) bookstores. It also gives me the unexpected chance to get my nephew's birthday present- an inflatable globe, so he knows where his auntie mandy lives. Okay, so the kiddo's only three. But it's never too early to start goofing around with strange-looking balls.

How is it that I can manuever better and faster in a government office where I can't speak the language? I think it has some thing to do with relying on only the most essential words- maximum efficiency in meaning with minimum amount of effort. On the other hand, I'm completely oblivious to any sort of advertising on the radio in the taxi. Perhaps we could all do with fewer words in our world.

Allow me to be the first to start.

Woke up this morning with The Four Tops playing in my head.

"As I walk this land of broken dreams,
I have visions of many things.
But happiness is just an illusion,
filled with sadness and confusion.

What becomes of a brokenhearted?
Who had loved and is now departed
I know I've got to find some kind of peace of mind
maybe.

The roots of love grow all around,
but for me they come a' tumbling down.
Everyday heart aches grow a little stronger
I can't stand this pain much longer.

I walk in shadows, searching for light
Cold and alone, no comfort in sight.
Hopin' and prayin' for someone who cares
Always movin' and going nowhere.

What becomes of a brokenhearted?
Who had loved and is now departed
I know I've got to find some kind of peace of mind-
help me please.

I'm searching though I don't succeed.
But someone's love is such a growing need
Always lost- that's no place for a beginning
All that's left is an unhappy ending.

Now what becomes of a brokenhearted?
Who had loved and is now departed
I know I've got to find some kind of peace of mind
I"ll searching everywhere, just to find someone to care..."


I haven't heard this song in years. But there it was, clear as a bell in my head when I woke up. Just like someone played it while I slept. Very odd.
I'm scared I'm turing into an Ally McBeal.
Poop.
I can't even be an eccentric young woman and not be pigeonholed by my pop culture.

In any case, the song is pretty dead on. Unfortunately.

Oh yeah, I was able to sleep last night. Thank you, Woody Allen.

"Give me a fixed point on which to stand,
and I can move the Earth."
-Archimedes.

It's getting harder and harder to sleep at nights. Every night, I feel the earth move under me. Nothing huge, but I sleep on my stomach and my futon is on the floor, so I feel each movement. I feel too exposed if I sleep on my back. Now, I feel exposed regardless how I sleep.

And every night, I wake up with each tremor, expecting the worst....waiting.

It doesn't help that I feel like I'm in the last 100 miles- the part where you desperately just want to coast in, eyes fixed on the destination because part of you is there already. Yet, from experience, it is also the space where the something comes in from the side and knocks you on your ass, leaving you crawling into that finish line with little else but a residual stubborness to complete what you set out to do.

No, I'm not being overly dramatic or paranoid- it's happened too many damn times to feel like anything different is going to happen this time.

Anyway, yeah. I can't sleep at night. It's hard when life is edged with the feeling that nothing around me is completely stationary. And it's not of my own choosing this time. Days are a little better- I can distract myself enough to relax and forget. That, and I feel it more acceptable to sleep with jeans and a t-shirt on.

One moment at a time.

Also, in coming to the end of this part of the journey forces me look back. I still haven't healed some of the deeper wounds, even with the year deadline I gave myself. But all I can hope is that if I keep moving forward, one day I'll look and they will be gone. Or different. Maybe even healed. Who knows? Right now, I don't. All I can do is move and hope.

Can't resist the feeling that there is a storyteller out there somewhere, weaving away at my life, standing on that firm point.

Giggling.

Chinese Supreme Court has decided it will execute anyone knowingly spreading the SARS virus.

I wonder when they will ask "Did you know that you were spreading SARS?".
Before firing the bullet or after?

First, the government hides news of the virus from its own people. Then it threatens the use force against anyone who is "caught" spreading the disease.
What is wrong with this picture?

In other news, Powell dismisses the bombing in Riyadh as "blind rage". "It is not politically motivated." he commented, "Only an act of terrorism."
Is not the defintion of terrorism "the use of force or threats to intimidate, especially as a political policy" (directly from webster's new world dictionary)?

I fear we are falling into the age of doublespeak. Orewell was only 20 years off. 1984... 2004. (Not a bad guesstamite on his part.)
And since when is blind rage conducted in a vaccuum?

"The greatest threat to our future is apathy."
-Jane Goodall


This troubles me.

I'm not sure which is worse...

Working for a large company and getting screwed by an amorphous entity
OR working for a small company and being able to see the face of the person who is screwing you over.

Let me tell you a story about my past week.

As some of you know, I've been on a mission to get ADSL. I finally gave up after eight months of faxes, translation and teaching my employers about computers. Yet, for some reason, I've been paying for ADSL all along, even though I was not using it. I've been asking why this was occuring- no one seemed to know. Okay, well, let's cut that out, switch over to this dial-up plan and be done with it.

The next day, I tried to get online. Nada. Alright, obviously the Internet company needs a day to switch over everything.

Friday, tried again- nope. I call my employer. "Uh.. you still need to choose what dial-up plan you want."
"You see the information in front of you? I gave that to you. You see the circled plan- I drew that circle. That's the plan I want."
"Oh..oh yeah, okay."

Well, Friday becomes the weekend...nothing to do but wait for the offices of the server to open again.

Monday evening, I try to get on online. Nope. Alright- what is the fucking problem now?
Evidently, my Internet bills haven't been paid in several months. Until those are paid, I'm not allowed to be online. Yet, my employer has been faithfully withdrawing money from my paycheck and my banking account every month, supposedly to pay my Internet bills.

Someone is screwing me over. And something tells me it isn't the Internet company.

The owner/accountant was "out of the office" today, so I left her a note kindly stating that she needs to needs to start sending all my bills to me from now on and start paying my paycheck to me in cash, with all the itemized deductions of my bills for this month. Otherwise, I will send out news of this incident to all the major web sites for English teaching in Japan. Considering they need to fill my position at the end of August, that would not bode terribly well for them.

All of this was after an incident of me coming in, prepared to teach, on a holiday.

Communication and organization- they are SO vitally important for any company.
So are ethics.

I'm really getting tired of getting screwed over.

In other news, we've had some tremors this week. Nothing big, but enough to wake me up a few times, kicking an imaginary cat for shaking the bed. One was enough to get me out of bed to turn off the gas and grab what I would need in case something happened while I slept- ID, money, jeans, shoes, sarong (my version of the ever-faithful towel) (Unfortunately, in the morning I forgot I turned off the gas- brrrrr... cold showers aren't very fun yet.) I have to admit, it was sort of fun to remember that, no matter what, those are all the things I really need to take care of myself- the clothes on my back, ID, money and a verstile binky, pillow, towel, wrap, cape, sail, whatevah. The rest is for comfort.

"Always look on the bright side of life..."

It's good to be back online again. I'm just glad I wasn't on the board, otherwise the accountant would have the nasty end of ....something. I'm not sure what, but it would have been unpleasant.

This is an absolute trip: zen

I love it to little itty bitty pieces.

Have fun.

eating sticky mochi balls, thinking about this buddhism's link with the four schools of Hellenistic thought.

I found this in a web site about zen: "One suffers because of one's attachment to pleasures that do not last. People often remain unaware of the inevitable sufferings of life because they are distracted by temporary pleasures." I think in that one line surmises what I'm driving at- the idea that things aren't linear, rather cyclical. Pleasure to pain, back to pleasure and pain again and again- IF we hold on to the material of the world. Also the idea of Neoplatonists- that the divine light Is and what Is Not is absolute darkness- the idea of enlightenment and the Buddha is very similar. Although, Buddhists believe even the water and the stones are capable of at least reflecting divine light.

We used to think like this in the west. In fact, Buddhism (as Hinduism) come from similar lines of cultural thought as the Greek schools. But somewhere along the way (circa the Fall of Rome), another form of thought came into power- a monotheistic, linear view of the world. Perhaps it is not as simple as this, but it is interesting to speculate on.

Okay, it's interesting to me.

otherwise, I had a good day today- it's Children's Day tomorrow and there is almost a sense of a second christmas around here. Koi are a' flyin' and the main town is in full festive glory. I stumbled across some traditional archers and watched them for a while while I was out taking photographs. Mikoshi (portable shrines) were run through the streets, folks dressed up in full costume- I got some great shots. I still need to upload and fool around with them.

what strikes me is that it all of the philosophical schools are very Zen-like. I'll go find some stuff and post it here when I find it to show what I mean.

In the meantime, have a look at what I sent ze for the media contest: experiments in light

Back to the classics.

Hellenism is the topic today- the 300 year period of dominanting Greek thought. This was a time after Aristotle and before the rising of power of Rome (around 50 BC). National borders became erased at this time- but it was also a time of pessimism, of religious doubt and of cultural dissolution. Yet, it was also a time of shifting around of ideas, twisting the developed thoughts of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle into new forms. It was the first time that philosophy was called on to bring salvation from death to man, rather than be pursued in its own right. Four schools of philosophical thought mark this time.

The Cynics- "What a lot of things I don't need!" This quote from Socrates basically sums up the Cynics, who felt that true happiness was not attainable through anything material, including good health. Suffering and death should not disturb the individual who seeks true happiness, nor should other people's problems. Perhaps you can see where we get the word "cynical".

The Stoics- originally a division of the Cynics, the Stoics believed that everyone came from the same common sense (logos). Each person is a mirror of the world, a microcosmos reflecting the macrocosmos. This common sense is based on universal reason, that is reflected in the world in the form of "natural laws" (our human laws are cheap imitations of these natural laws that do not ever break, that are timeless). All natural processes follow these natural laws, including humans. Therefore, we must endure our lot, as nothing is an accident, good or bad. Again, I'm sure you can see where the we get our vocabulary from.

The Epicureans- the most curious and the most distorted of the philosophical schools from its founder, the Epicureans believed "the highest good is pleasure, the greatest evil is pain". Therefore, we must avoid pain, not endure it. Epicurus, the founder, believed that all actions should be weighed in terms of pleasure and its possible side effects, in both the short term and the long term. Sure, it's pleasurable to make whoopie all night long, but you may pay for it the next morning in your knees. And if you keep doing it over time, you may not have legs at all! (:D) (I'm starting to see some economic ideas coming up here- law of diminishing returns is a good example) Sensual pleasures are not the only subjects to this weighing, but the values of friendship, freedom, everything that requires us to make choices. The enjoyment of life, therefore comes from SELF-CONTROL, TEMPERANCE, and SERENITY. (very different than how many people traditionally paint the "garden philosophers")

the Epicureans also came up with some interesting "medicinal herbs" for the mind:
1.) The Gods are not to be feared.
2) Death is nothing to worry about (as we won't be around to experience it anyway)
3.) Good is easy to attain
4.) Fear is easy to endure.

Food for thought.

The Neoplatonists- they believed that the world is a span between two poles- the One, which is a Divine Light. The other pole is Absolute Darkness, or no existence. Bascially: the Is and the Is Not. Imagine a fire. The light from the coals is the Divine Light. Eternal ideas arise from the coals, as do sparks. We are sparks from the flame- the soul is illuminated from the light of the One, as are animals and plants. Matter such as water and stone is beyond the reach of the Divine Light, so it Is Not. Therefore, we are the closest to the One within our own souls.


Interesting how we can still see some of these ideas come back to us now, in a time not unlike Hellenism.

I'll come back later to hatch on these ideas.

In the meantime, tell me what you think.

okay, so I had a much better day today. I received flowers from two people (one from my neighbor with Koko, the wonder dog. the other was from a student's mother). And I started juggling lessons with one of my favorite students- Sota.

Sota is an absolute treat of a kid and an absolute nightmare of a student. Teaching him is a bit like trying to teach English to a japanese Harpo Marx. He hardly speaks, but I can not have any extraneous items lying about- dice for games, pens for the dry-erase board, or anything he can grab- otherwise it will be used against me while I'm trying to focus his attention. So, I try to keep the grudging hard work to a bare minimum and try to teach him English through goofing off. Thankfully, he's the only student in the class and his mom doesn't insist on sitting in which allows us to have the freedom to make paper airplanes and bounce superballs at each other without (much) disapproval. I had the idea of teaching him juggling (with soft balls) after a session of superball madness that almost cost me a window and several lightbulbs.

I showed him juggling first, and then gave him the balls. He, of course, went mad with excitement and started tossing them everywhere. After he calmed down, the first lesson seemed to go well- after twenty minutes, he got the idea of throwing and catching two balls properly. He'll just need to practice that for a little while.

I made the mistake of showing him my clubs while I had the balls out- I have to admit, a juggling club and a ball DOES looks like a make-shift baseball game.

All in all, it was good practice for a workshop.